Sandbox of Thoughts

See i dont, know why, i liked you so much
I gave you all, of my trust
I told you, i loved you, now thats all down the drain
Ya put me through pain, i wanna let u know that i feel

You thought, you could
Keep this shit from me, yeah
Ya burnt bitch, i heard the story
Ya played me, ya even gave him head
Now ya askin for me back
Ya just another hag, look elsewhere
Cuz ya done with me

Ya questioned, did i care
You could ask anyone, i even said
Ya were my great one
Now its, over, but i truly mean im sad
It hurt real bad, i cant sweat that, cuz i loved a hoe

Fuck what i said it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses it didnt mean jack
Fuck you, you hoe, i dont want you back

u had your treat, now im waiting for mine.

celebrating 22 years of greatness.

PS: great can possibly mean big or very large in certain cultures

You never really know how strong u can be until the only way forward, is the be strong.

It wasn’t my choice to be put in an environment where others are weaker in character, lacking in willpower, and contented with their sub-standard way of life. What do i mean by sub-standard? Like living in their comfort zones, never pushing beyond what is easy, and u know the rest that follows, blah-blah.

“What to do, like that lah”, “just suck thumb” are like the  most commonly used phrases.

Being in a situation like that for a prolonged period of time will eventually mold you into one of such qualities.  I have been soaking myself in a pot of poison. And now i have to pay the price.

Just because others  are comfortable with their misfortune or lack of opportunity doesn’t mean I should expect any less from myself.

Its not that I don’t have a dream(goal) for my own life. Its just that I have too many excuses for my indisposition to be serious and put in effort. The above would be the latest excuse.

Certainly there are times when I am suddenly inspired to take charge of my life situation and actually do something about it.

I have taken the time to identify some of these things that knock me in the head, and fart me in the face.

- when i have a talk about “the future” with someone else

- when i suddenly feel like my hobby could be my career

- when my mum shoves a stack of further study brochures in my face

And when i get these reality checks, i realise that…

- its 2 months to uni admissions exercise

- 8 months to ORD

- 21 years of breathing, which can be translated to being an adult as defined by society

My life has been on auto-pilot for too long. I think its time to take back control.

I do want to have a safe landing, afterall.

Remember when getting high

meant swinging on the playground?

When protection meant wearing a

helmet?

When the worst thing you could get from boys were cooties?

Dads shoulders were the highest place on earth and mum was your hero?

Your worst enemies were your siblings?

Race issues were about who ran the fastest?

The only drug you knew was cough medicine?

The only thing that hurt you was skinned knees?

Goodbyes only meant until tomorrow?

And we couldn’t wait to grow up.

Yeah, those were the days…..