Sandbox of Thoughts

It has been a not-so hectic chinese new year. Apart from the fact that some cleaning up of the house had to be done before we threw our usual house party for the relatives. Its been “the venue” for family gatherings ever since we moved back in since last, last year. (throwing in an OMG its been 2 years already?!?!?)

I had 2 and a half off days this celebration itself, from my ns life. Every year brings new “Firsts” and this year, I actually spent more time visiting at my friends  instead of helping out at my house party, or the usual visiting of relatives. Anyway, it was a good break from NS and the monotonous training regime.

Recently, I have also realised that its hard to play a good host. Anything party related decided in an impromptu fashion will take really good spontaneous ideas and spontaneous guests to be successful, or rewarding. I myself find it extremely difficult when it comes to party planning and playing the good host; I’d rather be the guest, anytime. This is perhaps one of the genes i did not inherit from my dad, the entertainer. HAHA.

Ohh anyway… I finally had the chance to try my hand at guitar hero. I conclude that i officially suck at playing the drums to notes being displayed on the telly screen. Maybe visual drumming is not really my thing. Hahaha.

Okay guys… Before the beer finally knocks me out, heres to a good year with many more blessings and beneficial life changing experiences. Until then,

 

Joshman out…

From today, I would say im almost about only 40% done with the first phase of AIT.

Simply put, only slightly more than month to go before im temporarily saying goodbye to conventional training.

An end to dog-hood, however, seems like a real faraway dream. Thats what I am, a complain-king. Right?

You people have absolutely no idea.

If you know me well enough, I am one who CAN take on hardships, tough training or whatever tasks that may seem daunting to others. The one thing that I CANNOT tolerate(as repeated a million times over), is the ineffectiveness of the leaders in charge. Am i not patient enough? Am i expecting too much from my commanders?  Maybe I have always been too quick to notice the opening for criticism. I have since acknowledged that god has put me time and again, under such circumstances to test me, and time and again, i come back crawling to him to say that I have failed.

Seriously, I have absolutely no idea how to deal with this issue and slowly, bit by bit, I am dying on the inside. This is emotional torture. If there is anyone out there who can shed some light on this issue, PLEASE, talk to me. I know i can and want to overcome this.

Over the week, over the course of training, I have been able to take in and appreciate some very beautiful sights of Singapore’s natural landscape. Definitely, the best way to enjoy a scenic view would be from up high. We climbed this really steep “hill” that overlooked the western part of Singapore. Im guessing its actually quite cool that there still exist places like this left untouched by buildings. Pity only Singaporean males may get the chance to see it.

Am i being positive enough?

 

I remember
The small of your back
And the nape of your neck
And the way you held me that night

Through this long and lonely journey, i keep telling myself to forget , to regret. This little bit of wisdom came from the musical, RENT.

If you have been following, I might have mentioned before that it is a very impossible uphill task trying to forget an old moment/s. Bless you if u feel u have some sort of cognitive connection to my problems.

Right now, I want to identify that this bit of advice though unconventional, might not actually be working for me. I need to find a new way to overcome the fact that I have wasted time, I have invested my emotions in the wrong place, with the wrong person. I need to come to terms with myself and accept that.

I so want to find closure and move on.

I am going to try something different, but im not going to tell you what or how, for fear of jinxing it.

Good day faithful readers.

Some people tell me its hard to let go because u didn’t even get very far in the first place, and so your brain has that need to reach completum.

Others say it didn’t even look like it could work out in the first place.

And yet there are those who believe that what god wants to bring together, no man can break apart.

I personally feel that its because I am in this fenced up little garden, unable to see all that lies beyond, that makes me ever so attracted to this tree (now rotten) that once produced sweet fruit.

Should I just chop down the tree?

Maybe.

Bad metaphors.

Maybe i should go for apples instead of peaches.

Goodbye lonesome warrior standing by the side of the road. Don’t hope to try and vocalise those feelings you have. No more hoping that they would get it someday. All the unjustified hurting has been insufferable.

Wake up young one. This world waits for no one, not even you.

Recently i realised that,

ALL infidels should burn in hell (according to my definition)

we eventually have to let go of the excitement of “the chase” and just get over it

applicable wisdom comes as often as lightning from the ground upwards

I should live for myself (does this make me like those selfish others?)

I must be aware of the divide – a Personal and Professional life. The first, elements of being myself (of which i have yet to properly define). The second, wearing an attitude that best relates to the people around me. (right now, this is life in 6SIR)

Thank you God, for placing me here (as your most holy will intended), where I must learn to be a good boy amidst this society of heartless people.

Happy New Year you guys, may you all stay away from self-abuse.

And… in 2008, i managed to achieve,

- a diploma in Multimedia Development

- my 2B license

- acquiring a classic vespa

There u go. Now that should make u feel like a loser.